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Cabela’s African Safari – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Blood, Violence

Cabela's African Safari Screenshot

Parents should keep their children away. It's a game about the fun of killing animals, and while I'm not going to suggest outlawing hunting or anything like that, I will point out that most serial killers start out killing animals when they're children before graduating to the big show. You can draw your own conclusions.

Hunters should be warned that although this game is significantly cheaper than organizing your own big game hunting excursion, you're probably going to find this game even more tediously unrealistic than I did.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers should be mostly okay. The game is nice enough to offer an onscreen radar telling you where the animals are. The only thing you'll be missing out on is the 'action music' that cues up whenever a hostile animal attacks, but an 'adrenalin' meter gives the same information noiselessly. Without subtitles, the only major thing you'll be missing out on is the dialogue, but it's not vital to playing the game, nor is it particularly well-written.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Bullet Witch – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Blood, Language, Violence

Bullet Witch Screenshot

Parents should keep their younger children far from this game. It features abhorrent violence, disturbing subject matter, and truly disturbing horror content. Also, sometime within the next few months the ubiquitous 'naughty schoolgirl' costume will be downloadable from the internet.

People who buy their games used will want to take a look at this come 2008. Right now it's a criminal rip-off, but when you can pick up a manual-less copy for ten bucks from the bin of old games, it's totally worth your time and money.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers should be fine. There aren't any important audio cues, save the sound of incoming gunfire, and all important information is written onscreen.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Superman Returns – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Violence

Superman Returns Screenshot

Parents don't have much to worry about. Yes, the enemies express their desire to kill Superman, but no one dies in the game, and the most destructive violence is aimed at robots and rock monsters. Completely acceptable for even young teens.

Fans of the movie will probably be surprised that someone tried to make a game out of it.

Fans of Superman will be saddened and disturbed.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers should be fine—there aren't any important audio cues, and all relevant mission information is printed on screen. There aren't any subtitles in the cutscenes, but all of the text is taken directly from the film, which does have subtitles.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Red Steel – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Language, Mild Suggestive Themes, Violence

Red Steel Screenshot

Parents should be a little concerned—it’s a shooting and swordfighting game that offers nothing but heaping helpings of violence without any of the blood or gore that tips children off to the sickening horror of real-life violence. On the bright side, it's one of the few first person shooters that allows players to complete the game without killing anyone.

FPS fans owe it to themselves to check this game out, so they can see just what an improvement the Wii is over all other FPS control schemes.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers will be find the game a little more difficult, as they’ll be missing many key audio cues, like when they're being shot at, as well as much of the game's story.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Brigade E5: New Jagged Union – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Blood and Gore, Drug Reference, Language, Sexual Themes, Violence

Brigade E5: New Jagged Union Screenshot

Parents don't have much to worry about. Not because the game isn't violent or exploitative. Oh, it's violent. There's pervasive blood and gunfire, references to drug use and sexual assault. It's not pleasant, but you don't have to worry because in all likelihood your children would be far too bored to actually bother getting to the objectionable parts.

Fans of turn-based strategy games will want to run out and buy the game. Not because it's any good. It's not. But this is the future of the genre you love, so you might as well start supporting it now.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers will be fine. The voice-acting's terrible, and all the information it provides is visible onscreen. Likewise there are no significant audio cues.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Rampage: Total Destruction – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Violence

Rampage: Total Destruction Screenshot

Parents should be mostly fine with the game, as the game's violence is cartoonishly inoffensive. Still, it is a game where giant monsters devour innocent bystanders while destroying buildings—content that may prove a little too intense for very young children.

Fans of the Rampage series, be warned—the original Rampage and Rampage: World Tour are included on the disc, so prepare to have your fond memories dispelled.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers will be absolutely fine. There isn't any plot to subtitle, and missing what few audio cues there are won't affect your gameplay too badly.

Daniel Weissenberger
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Yakuza Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Violence, Strong Language, Alcohol use

Yakuza Screenshot

Parents probably shouldn’t let their children play this game. Literally every twelfth word spoken is some kind of profanity, and it’s loaded with violence. But, if you’re looking for a game that deserves the Mature label for its storytelling as well as its content descriptors, then it’s definitely worth considering

People who whine about there not being a next generation Streets of Rage: take note—this isn’t a next generation Streets of Rage, but it’s probably as close as you’re ever going to get.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers will be fine. The entire story is subtitled, and there aren’t any audio cues to worry about.

Daniel Weissenberger
Latest posts by Daniel Weissenberger (see all)
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War – Consumer Guide

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According to ESRB, this game contains: Blood, Violence

Parents should steer their children clear. This game offers little more than continuous bloody violence. Limbs are rent and blood sprays everywhere. Mature players only.

Fans of Warhammer 40K will probably be interested to see their favorite troops and vehicles in action, but be warned: this is not a Warhammer 40K game—this is a Real Time Strategy game set in the Warhammer 40K universe. You can, however, customize the paint jobs on your troops, making this a cheap alternative to modeling.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing gamers will be fine. As is usually the case in RTS games, there aren't any vital audio cues, and what plot the game contains is completely subtitled.

Daniel Weissenberger
Latest posts by Daniel Weissenberger (see all)
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What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? Nothing relevant to this conversation, that's for sure! Because we're here to talk about (sorry, write and read about, respectively) GC_Danny!! Since the last time he updated this bio he's had a bunch of movies that he wrote come out, so that's neat. He's also managed to build up a small YouTube channel where he talks about Girls Und Panzer, The Dark Pictures, and Hidden Object Games. In addition to general game reviewing, he's also dabbled in more long-form work, writing some of the longest and most comprehensive game reviews of all time. Then there's his non-GameCritics blogging, where he's famous as the world's foremost expert on the TV show Criminal Minds, as well as the co-host of a weekly podcast!

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